You Are Banana Fran - GAS IT UP!


You make a frantic corpse climb for the hatch and escape just in time to avoid a crushed foot.

You're in some kind of storage area. You're surrounded by sanitation equipment: mops, brooms, extra stores of toilet paper. There's a cardboard compactor to your left and a large heavy-duty double swinging door in front of you.

Hmmm, uh, that's an interesting decision... You toss the device aside WITHOUT pressing the button.

Each door has a thin window, most likely made of think transparent plastic instead of glass. Just as you're about to sneak up to a window to take a peak, an old friend comes waltzin' through the doors.

"What the f-" but Ted never finishes the expletive as he's too busy eating a banana-fueled haymaker. He blasts backwards through the doors. You follow without thinking and proceed to pound Ted's face into a reddish-purple goo. As your banana fury dies down you look up only to realize you are once again in that large room from earlier. Several guards are already headed your way when they're waved off by the tall, thin vampire at the podium.

You recognize the shrill voice, "Am I mistaken or were you not dead 10 minutes ago?"

"Tough to say. I'd ask your friend here but I don't speak puddle. Give me ten minutes, I'll make sure you scumbags are fluent."

"My, my, such bravado!" The podium vamp doesn't seem to take your threat too seriously. "Now, I see no more need for violence here. This is a meeting of civilized gentlemen after all."

"Here, here!" respond several members of the crowd as they raise their drinks.

You don't know what he's playing at, but you keep sharp, scanning the room for possible escape routes.

The podium vamp goes on, "A banana of your talents could go far in our organization. You've already displayed the necessary durability." Smug chuckles ripple through the crowd. "And I must say, your penchant for harming others is positively charming." Is this guy coming onto you? "I hereby make a motion that this fine warrior be made an honorary member of our beloved Dark Order. All those in favor?"

An almost deafening "Aye!" surrounds you.

"All those opposed?"

Five or six "Nays", including the gurgled response of liquid Ted.

"Ah! Well there it is, the ayes have it. So what say you brother?"

All eyes are on you. Linking up with a group like this definitely has its upsides. Vampires are rich as shit and they always get the hottest dames. But 'organization' means rules, and that just ain't Banana Fran style. Can you imagine a life of taking orders from that high-pitched geek at the podium? ... what do YOU do?

You can take this job and shove it. Sounds fun, just don't expect me to wear black eye-liner.